A pixelated prelude to a mighty giveaway

Hello my loyal loyalists. Pixelated Sausage will be running a little giveaway soon in celebration of the recent updates and additions. This is primarily to help promote the site and get people to sign up for the newly implemented account system. So, why am I telling you this now? Because I want to give a better chance of "a winner is you" to my original fans/supporters (that's you).

This giveaway will be going full-on, promoted public soon -- I will probably start it up on the 14th because we all surely love the upcoming holiday -- but I will be taking all members who signed up before this happens into a special pool. This pool will have one (maybe two) prizes that only they are eligible for; you will also be eligible for everything else as well. This is my very small way of saying thank you and I hope you enjoy what the future holds for my sausage. So, what are you waiting for?

SIGN UP NOW! -- Clickity-click for full details.

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Toys R Us: the kid has grown up

This is ridiculous. This is crazy. This, this is utter nonsense. And no, this is most definitely not Sparta. For reasons unknown, I just mentioned a Killers' song. But what I meant to say, ADHD and all, is that I have been hearing this easy listening-ish rendition of the Toys R Us song for days now. It has been driving me so bat shit bonkers, that I decided to record a quick vocal demo. I am considering a future, full-blown version of this crap, but I can't help but laugh every time I think of it.

Keep in mind, what you are about to hear is short and ends with a whimper, which may be reminiscent of your penis. Sorry, I just had to get at least one insult cemented into the post. All this Toys R Us chatter has put me into a depression, leaving me wanting for the good ol' days of video game tickets and that magical room of what could only be an infinite number of games. Damn! I just realized something; I grew up. I am no longer a Toys R Us kid. I am a Toys R Fudging (censored) Us Man! On topic, the "song" is below.

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Selfish Sausage: stacking some nesting dolls

What, oh what could be behind the pink? Something awesome you say... but how?!

This post is completely selfish and I know that. I also know that I have the ability to not care and that is just what I am going to do. I received a package today (Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow), and that package contained something that can only be described as Motherly, "Russianified" Awesomeness. I have fond memories of Russian nesting dolls as a child and I am so excited for Stacking that I actually signed up for PlayStation Plus this morning.

So, what do we have here? We have some nesting dolls from Stacking, which is from the equally awesome Double Fine. The dolls are beautiful, sexy, and I may or may not have had sex with them more than once already... Sorry, I just paused to have sex with them again. All I can say is that these little dolls look great alongside my Castle Crasher figures and my TMNT figures, and they will make for a great cocaine hiding place. Enough talking I say, check out my beautiful new friends below.

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Review: League of Evil (iOS)

You may have heard rumblings about some magical unicorn of a game, a game that is the closest thing to playing Super Meat Boy on your iPhone/iPod. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that game happens to be League of Evil. Funny thing is -- it's actually not that funny -- all of those comparisons are true and even more surprising, the game is actually a lot of fun. Now that I think about it, that's probably not too surprising either. I'm terrible at this, aren't I?

The secret of its success? Not a young Michael J. Fox, but the lack of a need for absolute perfection. A game with physical controls can allow for extreme precision, but a touch screen needs an openness for error. I am not saying the game is butterflies and double rainbows -- the controls are occasionally unresponsive -- but it was developed with its platform in mind and that is something to appreciate.

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Review: They Need To Be Fed (iOS)

They Need To Be Fed is a gravity-based platformer and a great example of how platforming should be done on a touch-only device. Not only do the controls work extremely well, the game matches this quality in all other departments. The visuals are lovingly stylistic and the level design gets progressively more challenging and constantly introduce new mechanics. It is you who needs to be fed; fed this game. I already know what you're going to say before you say it, so be kind, rewind, and shut up.

Now that I have insulted my few readers, let's get serious. The goal is to feed a monster located at the end of each level. Each level contains anywhere from one to three stars, with a certain number of stars needed to open each new world. The gameplay consists of jumping from object to object with a heavy focus on gravity. No matter what you do, you can never fall to your death; you always land on something. What They Need To Be Fed does better than most games is the addition of new elements at an almost perfect pace. I never got bored and the game never felt repetitive.

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Review: Being Human (TV) - Something to Watch Over Me

Another Monday passed, and another episode of Being Human has been consumed. This is the first episode since the two-part introduction and thankfully, the show is managing to keep me invested like it's Apple stock. For the most part, the show has continued in the direction of prior episodes; however, this week's episode, "Something to Watch Over Me," had some extra light and humorous moments.

These occasional changes in mood are actually a welcome addition. As much as I enjoy the serious take on the subject matter, I also don't want to watch a group of monsters mope around as if their local theater sold out of every ticket for the newest Twilight movie. Watching a character experience a moment of joy is a great way to break up the majority of despair.

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Pixelated Preview: Bulletstorm (X360)

I have a love/hate relationship with Bulletstorm. I love the gameplay, but I hate its personality. Which, unsurprisingly, is rather similar to the relationship I share with my wife. Sometimes, I just want to bury my foot in her poop passage. You are probably as confused as an eight year old with an erection (I'm trying to get a job on Bulletstorm 2), so let me take this moment to clarify. One: I do not have a wife, but I do wear a wedding band because I am an idiot. Two: that "poop passage" dialogue is actually taken, with small alterations, directly from the game. And that, that is the problem.

Bulletstorm's gameplay reminds me of The Club, only in a first-person perspective, with what seems to be some existence of a story. It is hard to construct an opinion from only one level, but the game seems to focus heavily on combos, creativity, and the inevitable high score. I love all of these elements and really enjoy playing the game; however, I still prefer The Club's more arcade-y feel. Even though I enjoy the fundamental gameplay, the dialogue drove me insane [in the membrane].

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Review: Grim Joggers (iOS)

Endless runners are scattered all over every iOS device. From Canabalt to Robot Unicorn Attack to Monster Dash, this newish genre comes in many shapes and sizes. This excessiveness also makes it hard to bring something new and fresh. Grim Joggers is a brand new runner for your iOS device and takes something familiar, endless runners, and adds something new: a group of runners, which happen to be a group of joggers in an "extreme jogging club."

This tweak may not sound like much, but it is enough to make me choose Grim Joggers over other endless runners. Imagine playing a runner in the style of Super Meat Boy's end-level barrage of failed meats; it may be a bit much at first, but I quickly got used to the multiplication of runners. The extra worry that comes from controlling multiple characters adds a layer of strategy non-existent in other runners. A double jump could save joggers in the back and kill joggers in the front, while a short jump may kill joggers in the back and save joggers in the front. This seemingly simple addition makes Grim Joggers more than just another endless runner.

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Review: DeathSpank - Thongs of Virtue (XBLA)

As you may recall, I recently reviewed DeathSpank, an action-RPG drenched in Ron Gilbert's tears. I have just finished the sequel, DeathSpank: Thongs of Virtue, and it seems quite fitting to throw out another review. Just know that I may come across as a broken record as Thongs of Virtue has a lot of [expected] similarities to its younger brother.

For those who haven't played the original game -- I have no idea why you would want to play this if you haven't -- Thongs of Virtue is an action-RPG with beautiful, pop-up book visuals and the humor of Ron Gilbert. If you have played the original game, look forward to more of the same. When I say "more of the same," I mean exactly the same. There are quests that are essentially the same quests from the first game and I guess that is to be expected; both games were made simultaneously. While this may have been a good business decision, it makes for a horrible development decision.

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Review: Being Human (TV) - There Goes the Neighborhood

Being Human is a brand "new" series for the [still] horribly named Syfy Network. I use the quotes because this Being Human is actually based on a BBC show of the same name/premise. In case you lived/are living under a rock, you probably know that many American shows -- Being Human is actually filmed Canada, so North American is more accurate is this case -- are based off British shows, i.e. The Office,  All in the Family, and Three's Company too (I couldn't help it). I want to make sure that you understand I am not saying these remakes don't divulge from the original source material or that they aren't good, I just find it important to mention.

With all that nonsense about Britain out of the way, let me just say that I have never seen the original series. Some people may believe one needs to see the original before being able to judge the remake, but I find that virgin eyes are an important perspective; why should every reviewer be familiar with the original when so many viewers are not? If you can give me a legitimately understandable reason, I would love to hear it, though technically I'd be reading it.

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