This is The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct

Nothing more needs to be said; this is The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct. (No, it's not good.)

Saints Rows IV officially announced and insane

I love the path Saints Row has taken, getting crazier and crazier with each new game. Saints Row IV has just been officially announced and looks to keep the streak going with ridiculousness upon ridiculousness upon ridiculousness; also, dicks too. As I watch the announcement trailer, I can't help but think, "This is exactly what Postal always wanted to be." It's a damn fine trailer and most surprising of all, the game has a release date of August 20th, 2013 for North America (the 23rd for everywhere else), meaning Saints Row IV will be out before Grand Theft Auto V. I think that, my friends, is the craziest thing of all. Anyway, why are you still reading this? Just watch the damn trailer below already (and enjoy the utter insanity of it all)!

Dungelot review: give it a little tappy; tap, tap, tap-a-roo

Dungelot seems like a cool concept, mixing the structure of a roguelike, minus the often common brutal difficulty, with a Minesweeper-esque gameplay system. Each level is a 6x5 block grid and hidden behind every block is a potential danger, reward or nothing at all. Levels are randomly generated, as to be expected, and when you die, you start from the beginning, losing everything you gained from the previous game besides the gold you collected. Sounds good, right? Well, it doesn't quite play as well as it sounds on paper.

The problem with Dungelot is that it is just a bunch of mindless tapping. There is barely any strategy--the only real strategy is in deciding whether to fully explore a dungeon or move onto the next level upon finding the key to the next level--and the game becomes repetitive before the first playthrough in even finished. The thing about Minesweeper that Dungelot forgets to implement is the strategy that comes in deciding which blocks to click and which to avoid; in Dungelot, you just click away like a madman, over and over and over again, never stopping to think, "Should I, or shouldn't I?" Well, should you?

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Dollar Dash review: no, not one of "those" Dash games

Dollar Dash in no way has any relation to the popular Dash time management series published by PlayFirst. So if you are expecting a time management game set inside a bank, you are in for quite the surprise—in Dollar Dash, you rob the bank, among other actions, competing against a mixture of human and AI characters, both online and offline.

The game is broken up into three different modes: "Dollar Dash," "Hit'n'Run," and "Save the Safe." In each mode, you compete against one to three different opponents, no more and no less, each character wearing a different colored outfit so there's no confusion as to who's who. Scattered across every map are weapons and power-ups that greatly affect the way a match will turn out--from nukes to shields to bear traps, everything comes into play at some point.

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Robert and Lara, sitting in a tree, p-l-a-y-i-n-g

I had two loves during the era of the original PlayStation. Two women entered my life and I will always remember both fondly: first, the one I married, and then, the one who is still with me today—Lara Croft. But in Lara's defense, she was there first.

The first time I read about Lara Croft, she might as well have been transgendered. I distinctly remember reading a preview about a game where you played as a tomb raiding male protagonist; a little more Indiana Jones than Catherine Zeta-Jones. He even carried a whip like Mr. Jones. The next time I read something about Ms. Croft was when I flipped through a magazine at a Walden Books. It was as if the magazine was showing two games at the same time, but most people would say I fell in love with the wrong one.

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Star Wars Pinball review

I'm not the biggest Star Wars fan. I love The Empire Strikes Back; think A New Hope is alright; find Return of the Jedi a tad annoying; and when it comes to the new trilogy, I don't like any of the new movies, but I don't have a passionate hatred for them. Does any of this matter? Yes, because, despite not being the biggest Star Wars fan, I still enjoyed the hell out of the new Star Wars-themed Pinball FX 2/Zen Pinball tables.

What stuck out first and foremost was the audio. As much as I don't have a lot of affinity for Star Wars, there's no doubt that the franchise is overflowing with strong music and sound effects that elicit feelings of reminiscent joy. Even if the audio doesn't sound familiar, it all fits so well in the setting of a pinball table. The bleeps and bloops or R2-D2; the sheathing and unsheathing of lightsabers; the heavy breathing of Darth Vader; the sound of blasters; everything sounds right at home, as if they were always meant for pinball tables.

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Help make Delver's Drop a reality

Back at PAX Prime 2012--which feels like forever ago--I saw a lot of games. One of my favorite games was Delver's Drop, an absolutely beautiful action-RPG with roguelike elements--something I love. I know "roguelike" may scare some off, but you shouldn't be scared if you're not the biggest roguelike fan because Delver's Drop is not so brutal in regards to what it takes away upon death. The game does feature permadeath, so once you're dead, you're dead; however, unlike other rougelikes, you will be able to recover some progress and items, and, best of all, you keep all abilities and experience points. It's a nice addition that makes the player feel like they're always making progress even if (when) they die.

Anyway, the real reason I'm writing about Delver's Drop right now is because Pixelscopic--the studio behind the game--just launched a Kickstarter campaign, hoping to raise $75,000 by Mar 12, 11:59pm CDT. I've played the game and met the guys behind it and can say both are equally great. If you have money to spare, I highly recommend backing Delver's Drop because the game deserves it and so does the team. Come on, just delve into your wallet and/or purse and drop a few bills and coins on Pixelscopic's table. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

DELVER'S DROP by Pixelscopic — Kickstarter

P.S. Give Delver's Drop some Steam Greenlight love too.

DmC: Devil May Cry Review

DmC: Devil May Cry is a fresh take on the Devil May Cry series--some have vocally opposed the changes, but I have always been open to them--mixing familiar mechanics with a new story and some new looks. I have never been the biggest DMC fan--I really enjoyed the first game, never played the second, had fun with what I played of the third and was pretty indifferent regarding the fourth--but I was excited the second I heard Ninja Theory was the studio behind the DmC: Devil May Cry, increasing my expectation tenfold.

For those who don't know anything about Ninja Theory, they are the studio behind Heavenly Sword and the incredibly underrated Enslave: Odyssey to the West--one of my favorite games on this generation. The defining characteristic of Ninja Theory games are fantastic animations and wonderfully told and delivered stories. DmC follows suit with a story that surprised me, making me care about the characters more than I expected out of a DMC game. Is Dante a douche bag? Yes, but only for the first few missions, then he grows into someone who may be a tad cocky (or a lot cocky), but he has a good heart. If you play the entire game and believe Dante is a douche bag throughout; congratulations on living a life without experiencing true douche bags. But there's more to DmC's story than just Dante.

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I want to like Dishonored

If only my appetite for Dishonored was equal to the rats' appetite for human flesh.

But I don't. The stealth is broken and while I know I don't have to play the game as a stealth character, I feel the game pushing me to do so and it is just not fun. I hide atop a vent and try to distract a guard by throwing a glass in a location I want the guard to move to--simple enough, right?--but all the guard does is look and nothing else. What's the point of making sound as a distraction if the guard doesn't give a shit? On top of that, I never know if my hiding spot is visible to a guard or not--I would hide in a shadow and be seen from another room, but then I'd jump on top of a bookcase right out in the open and everyone would be oblivious to be existence. The stealth doesn't make sense and even though I believe I would have fun if I just decided to play without worrying about stealth, I can't bring myself to do it.

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Game of the Year: Fairway Solitaire HD

I know what you're thinking, "He must be joking, right?" The short answer is no, but allow me a bit of elaboration. Fairway Solitaire HD is everything I love in a casual game. I love card games more than most--I carry a pack of cards with me wherever I go--and solitaire, in all its incarnations, is one of my favorite card games; I particularly love Tri Peaks solitaire, which Fairway Solitaire takes and mixes with a tiny bit of golf, thus the name. It's incredibly simple, but the game does what it needs to do extremely well and I'd marry the game if I could/if it wouldn't be weirder than a video game site called "Pixelated Sausage."

I love solitaire, but so what? You're still likely wondering why I picked Fairway Solitaire over all the other games on 2012. It's rather simple: Fairway Solitaire is the only game I play every single day; the only game that has stuck with me for eleven straight months. I have not gone a day without playing a few hands of solitaire in months, dropping well over a hundred hours, probably two-hundred, since I first played the game. Big Fish Games has done a good job supporting the game since launch--I am specifically talking about the iPad version--and cemented its place on the top of my list when daily courses were added, giving me a reason to play every single day; though, I am still a bit annoyed by the continued lack of Game Center support for the iPad version.

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