I Think We Need to Talk, Wife Quest | FIRST!

Wife Quest makes a good first impression with better-than-expected visuals, but throws it all away with average-at-best gameplay, a grating sense of humor, and an excessive amount of girl-on-girl action. It does get better over time with the addition of new abilities and items, but it only gets better and never good, remaining an average-at-best game throughout. Unless you want to beat countable monster girls into groaning submission or enjoy yourself an easy achievement or two, your time will be better spent playing something else.

Click to read more ...

Shadow Warrior 3 is Like Serious Sam...If Serious Sam Was Good | FIRST!

The Shadow Warrior series has been around for a while, but I've never put more than a few minutes into any of them until now, so if you're looking to find out how this one differs from the others, I can't help you. With that out of the way, I liked Shadow Warrior 3. I liked it so much I went back and finished it after recording this episode. It may be full of terrible humor and relatively repetitive gameplay, but it feels good and doesn't overstay its welcome, providing a solid, fast-paced shooting experience that feels good on controller, but likely excels on mouse and keyboard. In many ways, it plays like how I wish Serious Sam played; you have a good amount of tools and abilities at your disposal--dashing, a grappling hook, a chi blast, and finishers--and, while the non-shooting bits are hit or miss, the majority of firefights are a good time and, really, what more do you need?

Click to read more ...

Like the Gods, I Wish I Could Forget My Time With Aztech Forgotten Gods | FIRST!

Aztech Forgotten Gods is a mess. There are glimpses of quality there--the movement is fun and some of the art is alright--but it's all sandwiched between two thick pieces of janky, ugly, buggy, and surprisingly talky bread. I wanted to enjoy Aztech Forgotten Gods so much, but when it looks worse than Jak & Daxter, is boring to play 90% of the time, and features objectives that involve nothing but talking to characters, only to follow said objectives with more objectives of talking to the same character, it makes it hard to feel anything other than disappointment. Some things could be fixed in future patches, but too much of the core design is bad and, because of that, there's no way I could ever recommend giving Aztech Forgotten Gods any of your time.

Click to read more ...

Explosive Candy World Looks Like Flash Game, but Who Cares When It's Such a Blast, Mate | FIRST!

I'm not going to lie. I kind of hated Explosive Candy World when I first started it. It's not that it took time for me to "get it," but that it looked like crap and didn't bother telling me anything about how it played or what I was supposed to do; talk about a terrible first impression. That said, once I figured things out after a minute or two, all I had was fun on top of fun on top of more fun. Explosive Candy World is incredibly simple and looks horrible, but it knows how to deliver a good time, so who cares if it looks like ass when it's such a blast.

Click to read more ...

If Only Indiana Jones: The Pinball Adventure's Price Was a Joke... | FIRST!

I'm not going to waste your time. Do not buy Indiana Jones: The Pinball Adventure. I don't care how good the table is--spoilers: it's nothing special--there is no justifying the price of this single table, costing significantly more than every other piece of Pinball FX3 DLC, even the three-table packs. If it's because of the Indiana Jones license--I can't imagine any other reason--it wasn't worth it. I could go on and on about how annoyed I am, but no one needs that, so let me just repeat: do not but this table. Wait for a sale, or maybe just wait forever. Like I said, it's not that great of a table anyway, so if you never pick it up, you won't be missing much.

Click to read more ...

Infernax is Bad...for Rhyming, But It's Great for Playing and That's a Fact! | FIRST!

What if Castlevania II: Simon's Quest was a good game? Don't get me wrong, I love Simon's Quest, but there's no denying it isn't without its faults. Infernax feels like the answer, taking everything I loved about Simon's Quest, removing everything I hated, while adding some modern design in order to make a game that looks great, sounds great, plays great, and, more important than anything else, doesn't require a guide to beat. If you have any love for the NES Castlevanias (or retro games in general), you'll find plenty to enjoy in Infernax and that's a fact.

Click to read more ...

Ghost of Tsushima is Delicious Like Ma's Sushi, Man | Attack the Backlog

On this episode of Attack the Backlog, watch as I duel and reviewel my way through the beautiful forests and valleys of Ghost of Tsushima, a game where you play as a samurai fighting against tradition in order to bring freedom and peace to Japan. If that sounds like your jam, I can't recommend it highly enough. I may sound negative at times in the review, but my experience was unique as outside influences affected me more than usual. Despite all that, I still had a great time, adding yet another win for Sony's secret best studio. Ghost of Tsushima originally came out on July 17, 2020 for PlayStation 4 and has since been released on PlayStation 5.

Click to read more ...

Music Racer: An Amazing Audio Visualizer, But a Terrible Game | FIRST!

Music Racer is a game I played when it originally came out in 2018 and, while this new "Ultimate Edition" adds a bit more content and the ability to use your own music, my feelings about the core game itself haven't changed; Music Racer is an amazing audio visualizer, but it is a terrible game and in no way fun to play. Does that mean I don't recommend it? Well, that all depends on what you're looking for. If you want a good game...run away...run away and don't look back, never look back; however, if you want one of the greatest audio visualizers ever made (maybe the best), I can't recommend Music Racer highly enough. As long as you know what you're getting before you pull the trigger, I doubt you'll be disappointed.

Click to read more ...

The Last Cube is First in My Book | FIRST!

I'm very hit or miss when it comes to puzzle games, so The Last Cube already had a barrier to break through before I even started playing it and, like in-game, it broke through that barrier with ease to become one of my favorite games of the year (so far). This may only be my first impression based off the first 45 minutes and it could fall off a cliff starting at minute 46, but I enjoyed the hell out of what I played, finding The Last Cube succeeding in that ever-so-hard ability to create puzzles that are challenging, but never frustrating, introducing new mechanics and new ideas at the perfect pace. Again, I don't know if it'll stick the landing, but I can say one thing for sure, The Last Cube makes a hell of a great first impression. 

Click to read more ...

Elex II is Perfect for Fans of Jetpacks, Jank, and Euro Poo | FIRST!

Elex II is not a good game. It's buggy, full of jank, and not particularly fun to play; however, if you enjoy yourself some Euro jank--I've been known to dabble--you'll likely find plenty to enjoy in Elex II. It has a weird charm, terrible voice acting, and writing so creative, there's literally a creature called, "Annoying Critter." I can't recommend paying full price for the game, but if you go in knowing what you're gonna get and pick it up during a sale, you'll probably have a good (enough) time with Elex II, even if it is the gaming equivalent of poo. 

Click to read more ...