Hard Lines makes a hard line for Android

I am very happy to announce some great news for you to use, making you buy a new game for all of your poos. I don't know if you remember, but I love Hard Lines, a great game on iOS devices. Well, now the game has finally made its way to Android devices and is primed to take over the world! I am going to shut up now so you can buy the game already, but if you're on the fence, check out my review and know that playing this game gives me my own hard line. Yeah, I made a penis joke.

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Quickie: Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster (Xbox 360)

As someone who spends absolutely no time with children, Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster is a must-buy for anyone with children, so start impregnating everyone you see if you're in dire need of an excuse to play this adorable game. Is the game really a must-buy for parents? I actually can't answer that for two reasons: one, as stated earlier, I have no child or spend time with children in general; and two, I only played a snippet and cannot comment on the game as a whole. That said, Once Upon a Monster has all the charm of Sesame Street and was a solid experience I can only assume a child, and parents alike, would love long time.

In my little time with the uncharacteristically friendly monsters, I was immediately impressed with the amount of color and vibrancy. The game is by no means a visual powerhouse technically, but the style and Sesame Street vibe is in full effect. In addition to the psychedelic,  but drug-free, visuals, the audio is all top-notch, with characters voiced by their actual voice actors. Every crevice feels right and the Kinect controls all seem to work rather well, but nothing I played required precise controls—such as dancing, sneaking, and creeping around—so that may be part of the reason.

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Review: The Gunstringer (Xbox 360)

A question exists and answering it may potentially diminish the usefulness of this entire review, but it's important to answer before anything else: "I own a Kinect. Should I buy The Gunstringer?" The quick and simple answer is yes, without question, buy The Gunstringer right now. There is no reason to pass Go—you weren't getting two hundred dollars anyway—and The Gunstringer stands as one of the best Kinect games available. Best of all, it's only forty dollars and comes with a code for Fruit Ninja Kinect.

So, how about the actual game, you ask. Well, The Gunstringer manages to control rather well with the occasional hiccup. Controlling the movement feels natural and is mostly responsive—jumping via jerking the arm can be a tad finicky. There are many moment requiring accurate movement and in most situations, I never felt as if I was being unfairly punished by Kinect—the game is very forgiving and I never had to restart any level. The act of shooting is simplified to an extent that keeps it fun without frustration; simply motioning across enemies to target them and a flick of the hand automatically shoots every target selected. The only time shooting becomes somewhat erratic is during dual-shooting sequences. Both hands turn into rapid-firing machine guns (essentially) and the cursors sometimes get confused as to which hand is which.

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The Humble Frozen Synapse Bundle, available now

Updated on Friday, September 30, 2011 at 3:05PM by Marc Kusnierz

A brand new Humble Bundle is available and its headliner is one of the most interesting games I've played this year: Frozen Synapse. Frozen Synapse is an awesome turn-based strategy game—especially the multiplayer—and the bundle even includes the wonderful soundtrack! The Humble Frozen Synapse Bundle (creative name, eh) is available until October 12th at 6:00PM CST, a.k.a., two weeks from right now. Why do you want to grab this bundle? If you don't know, the money goes to charity, the developers, and those involved in putting the bundle together; though, you can choose how much of your donation goes where and even give it all to charity if you wish.

If you choose to donate more than the average, you can also grab a copy of the Humble Frozenbyte Bundle, which includes Trine, Shadowgrounds, Shadowgrounds: Survivor, the Jack Claw prototype, and a Splot preorder. This is a win-win situation and there's no reason to avoid this bundle, unless you already own every single game included. But even if that is the case, you can donate and gift the bundle to a friend, making it a win-win-win situation! It's better to get the details from the actual source, so stop reading this right now and check out the latest Humble Bundle now.

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Review: FlipShip (iPhone/iPod Touch)

FlipShip is an iPhone game that surprised me. It is basically Schizoid meets Tilt to Live, so if you've played both games, you know exactly what FlipShip is like; however, seeing as that is highly unlikely, I may actually take the time to explain things. Before I do that, I will simply say I found the game rather enjoyable and fairly accessible with a decent selection of difficulties, granting anyone the ability to pick up and play and enjoy themselves.

As previously alluded to, the gameplay involves tilting the device in order to move the ship to and fro. There are three different ships available and each ship controls differently, as well as having unique weapons and special abilities. Tilting has never been my preferred way of controlling any game, but FlipShip does a respectable job with an easy way to set orientation and both vertical and horizontal sensitivity. There is an option to set tilt automatically at different points—such as always, on launch, on resume, or not at all—but I never found this function to be accurate enough. The other essential part of gameplay involves "flipping" the ship between one of two colors. Changing colors is done by tapping the screen and is the hook making the game stand out.

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Review: Hypership Out of Control (iOS)

Hypership Out of Control is a simple game about a ship that loses its ability to break while its accelerator sticks concurrently. For those with a sense of déjà vu, Hypership has already been released on both WP7 and as an XBLIG. While the console version controls unquestionably better thanks to physical controls, the use of touch controls as opposed to tilt controls makes Hypership a rather well-controlling mobile game. The touching offers much more control than the title alludes. I'm sure you can find plenty of jokes in that last sentence.

I immediately fell in love with the retro visuals and the very Galaga-esque style—the font is either taken directly from Galaga or simply looks extremely similar. In terms of gameplay, Hypership mixes the common schmup formula with the even more common "get as far as you can" formula. It makes for an intense experience, that is, once the game gets going after an always slow beginning. The start of every game is rather sluggish and monotonous, and I'd constantly find myself waiting for excitement.

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Review: Let's create! Pottery HD (iOS)

Have you dreamed of becoming a master of the pottery arts? Did you watch Ghost and picture all the sex you'd embrace working in pottery? If you said no to both questions, then boy, do I have the game for you! Let's create! Pottery HD is a game all about making and designing vases, bowls, and, well, pottery in general. If this immediately sounds unappealing, welcome to my world. Shockingly enough, after playing the game for a decent amount of time, I find myself enjoying every second of it. If you give Pottery HD the time of day, it may just surprise you too.

Shaping a piece of clay is done by swiping in whatever direction to raise the clay, lower the clay, and so on. It's relatively simple and does a decent job, I suspect, of mimicking how one actually shapes clay. Once the fundamental shape/design is finished, firing begins and locks in the pottery's shape. At this point, all that's left is the addition of color, designs, and ornaments in order to add a bit more style and variety. When the pottery process is completely finished, it's time to take a picture and send the (potentially) beautiful piece to the auction house. The auction process is far from elaborate, but there's something unquestionably enjoyable about watching something you created raise higher and higher in price, or sell for pocket change in some cases.

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Quickie: Dead Island (Multi)

Dead Island is one of my favorite games this year, which is funny when it comes from the same developers [Techland] of one of my most hated games all year: Call of Juarez: The Cartel. I would rather smuggle drugs for the cartel by placing countless bags of coke in an extremely uncomfortable place—no, not a Volkswagen—than play The Cartel. Dead Island could, without question, use some polish, but it has the kind of hooks capable of addicting me in the same way coke hooks a cokehead.

The hooks I speak of are a leveling system with numerous upgrades and an open-world that actually feels open. A well-implemented leveling system—which The Cartel does not have—is enough for me to play the absolute worst games, but that's not to say Dead Island is a bad game. The leveling system featured in Dead Island is similar to games like Borderlands, with three columns of differing themes, leaving many choices, many hard choices. Each level feels earned and I was addicted to getting experience points in whatever way possible. The game also manages to have a environment that feels completely open despite that being false. It may be due to the island setting, but for the most part, I never felt like I wasn't free, except the moment I was being warned about leaving the game area.

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Review: Jetpack Joyride (iOS)

Jetpack Joyride is devilish in its simplicity. It doesn't do anything drastically new or different, but has an unmatched polish and an array of hooks that had me saying "one more time" until two hours passed. Don't worry, I, too, believe it's a bit sad I lost so much time playing such a simple game. At the same time, such an occurrence was only possible due to the game's high quality. Truly, Jetpack Joyride is a joy to ride. That lovingly wrote itself into mediocrity.

I know I have yet to mention the actual gameplay—which may or may not involve a jetpack—but patience is a virtue, much like respectability—which, for me, is fading at a rapid pace. With my philosophical requirements met, I may finally get down to business. Joyride is a standard "get as far as you can" game and doesn't do anything fundamentally new—you use your jetpack to avoid zappers, lasers, and missiles, while trying to get as far right as possible. A nice addition is super-powered vehicles/outfits that are acquired via power-ups scattered throughout each playthrough. These power-ups grant special abilities but, more importantly, give you what is essentially a one-use shield.

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Review: Pinball FX2 - Ms. 'Splosion Man (XBLA)

I had a love/hate relationship with Ms. 'Splosion Man, but I found nothing to hate with the melding of Ms. 'Splosion Man and Pinball FX2. I feel like a broken record that just keeps on breaking, but this is yet another fantastic table and leaves me hoping Zen Studios and Twisted Pixel will collaborate with every single game from now until the end of time, which will happen in 2012 if Woody Harrelson is to be believed. The charm Twisted Pixel brings to every product is perfect for pinball tables and there is no better studio to bring those tables to life than Zen Studios. This is coming across a little love letter-ish, but it is simply a case where collaboration makes so much sense.

Onto the actual table, my first glee-filled moment came from the much reduced reliance on dialogue from the title character. Her quips and quotes are fun in moderation and that's exactly what the table delivers. Another lovely inclusion is the wonderful music from the beardtastic Matt Chaney! The entire table feels like it was taken straight out of Ms. 'Splosion Man—which is probably because assets were taken straight from the game—and it all comes together into another great table, increasing Pinball FX2's already massive selection.

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