Review: They Need To Be Fed (iOS)

They Need To Be Fed is a gravity-based platformer and a great example of how platforming should be done on a touch-only device. Not only do the controls work extremely well, the game matches this quality in all other departments. The visuals are lovingly stylistic and the level design gets progressively more challenging and constantly introduce new mechanics. It is you who needs to be fed; fed this game. I already know what you're going to say before you say it, so be kind, rewind, and shut up.

Now that I have insulted my few readers, let's get serious. The goal is to feed a monster located at the end of each level. Each level contains anywhere from one to three stars, with a certain number of stars needed to open each new world. The gameplay consists of jumping from object to object with a heavy focus on gravity. No matter what you do, you can never fall to your death; you always land on something. What They Need To Be Fed does better than most games is the addition of new elements at an almost perfect pace. I never got bored and the game never felt repetitive.

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Review: Being Human (TV) - Something to Watch Over Me

Another Monday passed, and another episode of Being Human has been consumed. This is the first episode since the two-part introduction and thankfully, the show is managing to keep me invested like it's Apple stock. For the most part, the show has continued in the direction of prior episodes; however, this week's episode, "Something to Watch Over Me," had some extra light and humorous moments.

These occasional changes in mood are actually a welcome addition. As much as I enjoy the serious take on the subject matter, I also don't want to watch a group of monsters mope around as if their local theater sold out of every ticket for the newest Twilight movie. Watching a character experience a moment of joy is a great way to break up the majority of despair.

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Pixelated Preview: Bulletstorm (X360)

I have a love/hate relationship with Bulletstorm. I love the gameplay, but I hate its personality. Which, unsurprisingly, is rather similar to the relationship I share with my wife. Sometimes, I just want to bury my foot in her poop passage. You are probably as confused as an eight year old with an erection (I'm trying to get a job on Bulletstorm 2), so let me take this moment to clarify. One: I do not have a wife, but I do wear a wedding band because I am an idiot. Two: that "poop passage" dialogue is actually taken, with small alterations, directly from the game. And that, that is the problem.

Bulletstorm's gameplay reminds me of The Club, only in a first-person perspective, with what seems to be some existence of a story. It is hard to construct an opinion from only one level, but the game seems to focus heavily on combos, creativity, and the inevitable high score. I love all of these elements and really enjoy playing the game; however, I still prefer The Club's more arcade-y feel. Even though I enjoy the fundamental gameplay, the dialogue drove me insane [in the membrane].

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Review: Grim Joggers (iOS)

Endless runners are scattered all over every iOS device. From Canabalt to Robot Unicorn Attack to Monster Dash, this newish genre comes in many shapes and sizes. This excessiveness also makes it hard to bring something new and fresh. Grim Joggers is a brand new runner for your iOS device and takes something familiar, endless runners, and adds something new: a group of runners, which happen to be a group of joggers in an "extreme jogging club."

This tweak may not sound like much, but it is enough to make me choose Grim Joggers over other endless runners. Imagine playing a runner in the style of Super Meat Boy's end-level barrage of failed meats; it may be a bit much at first, but I quickly got used to the multiplication of runners. The extra worry that comes from controlling multiple characters adds a layer of strategy non-existent in other runners. A double jump could save joggers in the back and kill joggers in the front, while a short jump may kill joggers in the back and save joggers in the front. This seemingly simple addition makes Grim Joggers more than just another endless runner.

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Review: DeathSpank - Thongs of Virtue (XBLA)

As you may recall, I recently reviewed DeathSpank, an action-RPG drenched in Ron Gilbert's tears. I have just finished the sequel, DeathSpank: Thongs of Virtue, and it seems quite fitting to throw out another review. Just know that I may come across as a broken record as Thongs of Virtue has a lot of [expected] similarities to its younger brother.

For those who haven't played the original game -- I have no idea why you would want to play this if you haven't -- Thongs of Virtue is an action-RPG with beautiful, pop-up book visuals and the humor of Ron Gilbert. If you have played the original game, look forward to more of the same. When I say "more of the same," I mean exactly the same. There are quests that are essentially the same quests from the first game and I guess that is to be expected; both games were made simultaneously. While this may have been a good business decision, it makes for a horrible development decision.

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Review: Being Human (TV) - There Goes the Neighborhood

Being Human is a brand "new" series for the [still] horribly named Syfy Network. I use the quotes because this Being Human is actually based on a BBC show of the same name/premise. In case you lived/are living under a rock, you probably know that many American shows -- Being Human is actually filmed Canada, so North American is more accurate is this case -- are based off British shows, i.e. The Office,  All in the Family, and Three's Company too (I couldn't help it). I want to make sure that you understand I am not saying these remakes don't divulge from the original source material or that they aren't good, I just find it important to mention.

With all that nonsense about Britain out of the way, let me just say that I have never seen the original series. Some people may believe one needs to see the original before being able to judge the remake, but I find that virgin eyes are an important perspective; why should every reviewer be familiar with the original when so many viewers are not? If you can give me a legitimately understandable reason, I would love to hear it, though technically I'd be reading it.

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Review: DeathSpank (XBLA)

DeathSpank was a ridiculously ridiculous experience. That's right, it was so ridiculous, I had to say it twice. I don't feel like I actually enjoyed playing DeathSpank, but I also couldn't stop playing it and finished everything (yes, everything) in just a few days. What does this mean? Am I incapable of feeling anymore? Have I become a broken man, who is no longer capable of love; doomed to walk the earth alone forever, and ever, and ever? Well, my friends, come on this journey of a review and we can find out together. I will also try to be a tad less dramatic.

It really is a weird feeling to not know if I kept playing a game because I enjoyed it, or because I tend to be slightly OCD when it comes to action-RPGs. It would seem that the latter is the better choice since I can't come to a conclusion, but at the same time I loved a lot of this game. DeathSpank is absolutely beautiful and features fantastic writing. At the same time, I found the voice acting mostly obnoxious and annoying, and the combat was repetitive.

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Review: Mass Effect 2 - Lair of the Shadow Broker (X360)

Lair of the Shadow Broker is the latest piece of DLC for Mass Effect 2 -- on the disc for PS3 owners -- and, probably due to all the extra time, Shadow Broker is far and away the best DLC for Mass Effect 2. There lies a major fault in all of this -- something that is surely subjective -- and the fault is that I believe Mass Effect 2 is an incomplete experience without Shadow Broker.

Would I have said this before playing Shadow Broker? No. But, I had no details to go on and the lack of story with a specific character [Liara] was not as big of a deal. After playing said DLC, I do not why/how they chose to leave this storyline out of the retail game. You can say it is an attempt to make a little extra cash off a fantastic game, but I have a hard time believing that. I would simply guess that the storyline/content wasn't complete and it wouldn't be viable to delay the game just for a few extra hours of contend. I will say this: I would rather have Shadow Broker and only Shadow Broker as the freebie of the Cerberus Network than everything else included. Now, onto the actual review.

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Review: Perfect Couples (TV) - Pilot

Quick tip: I added "Far from." ...I know, I'm pretty damn hilarious.

As you can see from the header, Perfect Couples is far from a perfect show. As you can also see, I used the most obvious and unfunny joke I could, which happens to be quite fitting. Perfect Couples is the worst show I have seen this year, but that isn't saying much since it is still only January. So, why does Perfect Couples fail at being acceptable? ...You thought I was going to say 'perfect' didn't you.

Perfect Couples focuses on three different couples; three couples who are all longtime friends. You have your crazies: a couple who hates each other one second and then sexes it up the next; your by-the-book: a couple who lives out of relationship books; and your relatively normal couple. I don't have an issue with the clichés -- how many shows don't shower in cliché? My issue lies with the majority of portrayals and some of the acting, which leads to a public service announcement: Please stop using Olivia Munn in anything.

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Review: Raskulls (XBLA)

Raskulls is the second game in the Games for the Holidays promotion and seems to be garnering the least press. Raskulls was developed by Halfbrick Studios, the studio behind hit games like Fruit Ninja and Monster Dash. Their games are usually filled with plenty of charm -- Raskulls is no exception -- but is Raskulls also filled with a tasty strawberry filling? No. It's a game, not a doughnut.

I didn't love Raskulls and I didn't hate it; I am completely indifferent about my entire time with the game. There is fun to be found, but that fun is accompanied by a feeling of repetition. I use the word 'feeling' because the game does switch things up quite a bit, but I never felt like I was actually doing something different.

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