Soul Grinder review: a shmup that's more frustrating than fun

I am not a fan of trial-and-error gameplay; the kind of gameplay that forces you to replay a level over and over again because there is no way of knowing what is ahead; a game more about level memorization than pure skill. Soul Grinder, a new shmup for iOS, Android and Ouya, incorporates such gameplay and ends up being more frustrating than fun.

I had fun with Soul Grinder at first, when the difficulty wasn't much of an issue, but all that changed quickly as I found myself dying because I had no idea an enemy or obstacle was going to pop up right in front of me. Feeling like I never had a chance is a feeling I never enjoy when playing a game and, near the end of the first world--there are three worlds of eight levels each and then a final boss battle--that feeling became constant. On top of that, the controls are just a bit loose and, in a game that requires quick reactions and precise movements, even the smallest of control issues is exacerbated.

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The Pixelated Sausage Podcast #043: Out of the Shadows, Into the Second Dimension

Y'all know I'm a huge Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan and, despite some worried thoughts, I was excited for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. Well, the game finally came out today and I have some thoughts regarding what I played so far; what are those thoughts? Listen to the damn show to find out! Why would I give away all my secrets right here in the post?! In addition to TMNT, I talk about some Nintendo news and good ol' ads. Anyway, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s), it's not free to host the site, the show; to make and record videos, and everything in between. Thanks regardless.

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The Pixelated Sausage Podcast #042: Where Mercenaries Burn the Fronts of Kings

This here episode is the longest one to date and full of many crazy moments--what else do you expect? I talk about Mercenary Kings, my thoughts about Steam Early Access in general, a new gaming site called Frontburnr, and some other crap I can't remember despite recording not too long ago. Anyway, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s), it's not free to host the site, the show; to make and record videos, and everything in between. Thanks regardless.

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The Pixelated Sausage Podcast #041: Magicians & Looters & Drug Lords, Oh My!

Another week and another set of ridiculously stupid podcasts hosted by yours truly. In today's episode, I blather to myself about a little XBLIG you should play called, Magicians & Looters, as well as talk about Breaking Bad and The World's End (and getting prescription sunglasses for the first time). Anyway, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s), it's not free to host the site, the show; to make and record videos, and everything in between. Thanks regardless.

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Saints Row IV: running fast while running like crap

Saints Row IV is a fun game. It is a very fun game. But as fun as it is, all fun is lost on the Xbox 360 thanks to horrible frame rate that makes playing the game annoying to the point of dropping the mic and not returning. At times, even when not that much is happening on-screen, the frame rate will drop so low it looks like the game is a slideshow; and, on top of that, the game occasionally freezes up for about second when jumping around the city (and almost always while auto-saving--which happens every time you grab one of the many, many clusters). I've read and heard people brush these issues aside because of the game's story--which has the player doing their dirty work in a simulated world, Matrix style--but I can't ignore the shitty frame rate and other technical issues by using a nonsensical excuse.

Like I said before, Saints Row IV is a very fun game, but it runs like shit on the Xbox 360--I cannot comment on the PS3 version, but I've heard similar complaints and am currently waiting for confirmation. If you have a PC that can run Saints Row IV, buy the game on PC; if you have no choice other than the Xbox 360, feel free to pick it up, but don't be surprised when you're hit with horrible frame rate and other, smaller issues.

The Pixelated Sausage Podcast #040: Go Buy 4 Thrones Now

So, a little game called 4 Thrones came out today and it is a game y'all have to play. I could go on and on right here, but I recommend you just listen to this here show or read my review (or do both). Anyway, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s), it's not free to host the site, the show; to make and record videos, and everything in between. Thanks regardless.

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4 Thrones review: a solitaire game everyone needs to play

Do you like card games? More specifically, do you like solitaire? The answer to both questions is yes because any sane human being knows that card games are the best games and solitaire is the best of the best thanks in large part to a mountain's worth of different variations. Well, a brand new variation by the name of 4 Thrones has found its way to iOS and Android (sorry Windows Phone users) and it is one hell of a good time.

The basic setup for 4 Thrones is simple: you have four face-up cards on the top of the screen and, on the bottom, a face-up card next to a pile of face-down cards for drawing new cards. In the default mode, you have a random deck of fifty-two cards and need to place all the bottom cards on the top cards without discarding more than three cards. The game works low to high, with higher numbered cards being able to be placed on lower numbered cards and not vice versa--cards of equal value cannot be placed on one another either--except when Jacks, Queens, Kings, and Aces come into play; I could get into the nitty-gritty details, but an in-game tutorial does the job better than I ever could in roughly a minute, so just do that after you inevitably buy this game.

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The Pixelated Sausage Podcast #039: Beating Saints into Buddies

This episode features Saints Row IV--I'm disappointed thanks to its poor frame rate on Xbox 360--and Beatbuddy: Tale of the Guardians--which I reviewed and liked but did not love. I also talk a bit more about Breaking Bad as I find myself more interested in the story as I start season 3. Anyway, if you're feeling extra generous, donate a little money or subscribe to show your support for the site and show(s), it's not free to host the site, the show; to make and record videos, and everything in between. Thanks regardless.

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Beatbuddy: Tale of the Guardians review: a few bad notes keep Beatbuddy from greatness

Usually, when a game claims to incorporate music and gameplay, the collaboration ends up as little more than, "Look! That thing in the background changes color after every fourth beat!" But Beatbuddy: Tale of the Guardians is different; in Beatbuddy, music is integrated in a way that playing the game without audio would not be impossible, but magnitudes less engrossing. That is because many puzzles and some character movements are affected directly by the music playing.

I was worried about Beatbuddy when I first started the game; not only have I been burned by claims of music and gameplay integration numerous times in the past--and quite recently with Rush Bros.--but Beatbuddy has one of the worst intro (and outro) videos I have ever seen, or, more accurately, heard; both videos feature voice acting that sounds like it is on a record being scratched constantly and it was incredibly annoying, so annoying I almost quit the game before it even started. But then the video ended and the game came to life, showing off some of the most beautiful visuals I've seen all year.

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Ouya ad: "Sixty bucks for a game?"

This ad can no longer be found on the official Ouya YouTube page, but, being the internet and all, someone has re-uploaded the video so we can all see the utter ridiculousness that is this video. I am speechless. Who thought this was a good idea? (Here's a screen capture of Ouya's official YouTube page prior to taking down the video.)