Review: Let's create! Pottery HD (iOS)

Have you dreamed of becoming a master of the pottery arts? Did you watch Ghost and picture all the sex you'd embrace working in pottery? If you said no to both questions, then boy, do I have the game for you! Let's create! Pottery HD is a game all about making and designing vases, bowls, and, well, pottery in general. If this immediately sounds unappealing, welcome to my world. Shockingly enough, after playing the game for a decent amount of time, I find myself enjoying every second of it. If you give Pottery HD the time of day, it may just surprise you too.

Shaping a piece of clay is done by swiping in whatever direction to raise the clay, lower the clay, and so on. It's relatively simple and does a decent job, I suspect, of mimicking how one actually shapes clay. Once the fundamental shape/design is finished, firing begins and locks in the pottery's shape. At this point, all that's left is the addition of color, designs, and ornaments in order to add a bit more style and variety. When the pottery process is completely finished, it's time to take a picture and send the (potentially) beautiful piece to the auction house. The auction process is far from elaborate, but there's something unquestionably enjoyable about watching something you created raise higher and higher in price, or sell for pocket change in some cases.

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Quickie: Dead Island (Multi)

Dead Island is one of my favorite games this year, which is funny when it comes from the same developers [Techland] of one of my most hated games all year: Call of Juarez: The Cartel. I would rather smuggle drugs for the cartel by placing countless bags of coke in an extremely uncomfortable place—no, not a Volkswagen—than play The Cartel. Dead Island could, without question, use some polish, but it has the kind of hooks capable of addicting me in the same way coke hooks a cokehead.

The hooks I speak of are a leveling system with numerous upgrades and an open-world that actually feels open. A well-implemented leveling system—which The Cartel does not have—is enough for me to play the absolute worst games, but that's not to say Dead Island is a bad game. The leveling system featured in Dead Island is similar to games like Borderlands, with three columns of differing themes, leaving many choices, many hard choices. Each level feels earned and I was addicted to getting experience points in whatever way possible. The game also manages to have a environment that feels completely open despite that being false. It may be due to the island setting, but for the most part, I never felt like I wasn't free, except the moment I was being warned about leaving the game area.

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Review: Jetpack Joyride (iOS)

Jetpack Joyride is devilish in its simplicity. It doesn't do anything drastically new or different, but has an unmatched polish and an array of hooks that had me saying "one more time" until two hours passed. Don't worry, I, too, believe it's a bit sad I lost so much time playing such a simple game. At the same time, such an occurrence was only possible due to the game's high quality. Truly, Jetpack Joyride is a joy to ride. That lovingly wrote itself into mediocrity.

I know I have yet to mention the actual gameplay—which may or may not involve a jetpack—but patience is a virtue, much like respectability—which, for me, is fading at a rapid pace. With my philosophical requirements met, I may finally get down to business. Joyride is a standard "get as far as you can" game and doesn't do anything fundamentally new—you use your jetpack to avoid zappers, lasers, and missiles, while trying to get as far right as possible. A nice addition is super-powered vehicles/outfits that are acquired via power-ups scattered throughout each playthrough. These power-ups grant special abilities but, more importantly, give you what is essentially a one-use shield.

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Review: Pinball FX2 - Ms. 'Splosion Man (XBLA)

I had a love/hate relationship with Ms. 'Splosion Man, but I found nothing to hate with the melding of Ms. 'Splosion Man and Pinball FX2. I feel like a broken record that just keeps on breaking, but this is yet another fantastic table and leaves me hoping Zen Studios and Twisted Pixel will collaborate with every single game from now until the end of time, which will happen in 2012 if Woody Harrelson is to be believed. The charm Twisted Pixel brings to every product is perfect for pinball tables and there is no better studio to bring those tables to life than Zen Studios. This is coming across a little love letter-ish, but it is simply a case where collaboration makes so much sense.

Onto the actual table, my first glee-filled moment came from the much reduced reliance on dialogue from the title character. Her quips and quotes are fun in moderation and that's exactly what the table delivers. Another lovely inclusion is the wonderful music from the beardtastic Matt Chaney! The entire table feels like it was taken straight out of Ms. 'Splosion Man—which is probably because assets were taken straight from the game—and it all comes together into another great table, increasing Pinball FX2's already massive selection.

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Persona sucks for making me want a Vita

Son of a bitch! I really didn't want a PlayStation Vita and still, for the most part, don't want a Vita. But, with the announcement of Persona 4: The Golden, I find myself fudged up the Almond Joy. I love the Persona series and the last two games are some of my favorites of all time, not just of their generation. It wouldn't matter if it was simply an exact port, but with the addition of a new character, however small she [Mary] turns out to be, and other small(ish) goodies, I see the potentiality of a Vita in my hands to be much more likely.

In addition to the Persona 4 Vita—that would have been a perfectly ridiculous title of wonderful stupidity—a fighting spin-off has been announced and more importantly, Famitsu reports the non-surprising news that a true Persona sequel is in the oven, being prepared by the usual master chefs who are the chiefs in their position. As you can likely tell from all my bad jokes, I am fairly excited after hearing this news and I can't wait to hear more. Do you know what rhymes with 'more?' The number four, as in Persona 4!

[Via Andriasang]

Deus Ex: A Face-punching Comedy

You wouldn't expect to find many laughs in Deus Ex: Human Revolution, but with a little non-sexual experimentation, humour becomes rather easy to find. Experimentation, in my case, should be replaced with "complete and utter accident," as the laughs came pouring in after the pressing of a wrong button. The happy accident I speak of is the discovery that Jensen—the character you control—can takedown almost anyone at any time if he has at least one full energy cell. Takedowns come in many shapes and sizes, but as one would expect, my favorite takedown is that which involves punching people in the face.

It may get old real fast, but I found at least two minutes worth of joy from punching random civilians in the face. After helping the mother of a past lover, I swiftly punched her in the face. When I saw a man breakdancing in the subway station, I said to myself, "not too shabby," and then I punched him in the face. When a man told me he already knew we wouldn't be friends, I felt sad inside and decided he needed to be punched in the face. All you need to know is punching people in the face is more fun than not punching people in the face.

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Hard Lines - The Album, available for pre-order now

You have no doubt heard me gush over Hard Lines for iOS on more occasions than appendages on the human body. Well, I have yet to shut up about the game and today will be no different—the only difference is that I shall be talking about the music of Hard Lines, instead of the game. If you're like me, you enjoyed hearing the music kick in every time you turned on the game and now you can get turned on without having to touch Hard Lines. There is so much wrong with that last sentence, but that is why it's so lovely—I know you love it too.

The official soundtrack to the game already named is available for pre-order on Bandcamp right now. With a pre-order, you will get three tracks to download in numerous formats of your choosing (MP3 320, FLAC, etc) and the entire album will be available on the first of September. The album will cost you $8 USD and you can pre-order it here: Hard Lines - The Album -- I have enjoyed what I have heard to this point, but I will say Nicoll Hunt is definitely a better programmer than singer.

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A sudden desire for a 'Blade' reboot

For whatever reason, I recently started thinking about Wesley Snipes and how much I enjoyed his early career—such as his role in Demolition Man and the first two Blade films. I have no more to say regarding Mr. Snipes, but I have plenty to say about Blade. I loved the first Blade film and really enjoyed its sequel; the third film was the common trilogy abomination. Getting to the point, comic-related films have recently been reboot crazy and I would love to see a Blade reboot. The main reason is because I look at one specific actor and feel he would make a perfect Blade—that actor is Idris Elba.

You probably don't know him by name, but you have surely seen him on film and/or television—he has appeared in such films/series as The Wire, The Losers, Thor, Luther, and countless others including a small run on The Office (US). I have been a fan since The Wire and believe his previous work/look makes him a perfect choice for the tan-friendly—because of his immunity to sunlight, not because he's black—pseudo-vamp. I could also bring up the fact that both Blade and Elba share London as a commonality, but in all honesty, there is just something about him that feels right. And if a reboot wanted to include Whistler, I could think of no one better than Kurt Russel.

Review: Baby Monkey (going backwards on a pig)

Baby Monkey (going backwards on a big) is a song first and a game second. That may be a tad excessive, but there is no question the song grabbed me before anything else. The song is from a popular YouTube video that escaped my eyes until I played this game—I'm not all up in your internets. the song was born in mind of Parry Gripp, who somehow managed to elude me all this time. It seems ridiculous to create a game inspired by a short, humorous video/song, but what's even more ridiculous is the fact Baby Monkey is a fun little game even if muted.

The actual game behind Baby Monkey is an endless runner-esque game where you control both pig and baby monkey, jumping to avoid obstacles while also jumping to collect bananas. The pig is capable of plowing through objects and incapable of plowing through earth or running over pits—I'd like to see you try and do it. The monkey who happens to be a baby will be knocked off if the pig makes any contact with an object and must jump to avoid this while also grabbing bananas at the same time. It may sound tedious having to control two characters at once, but it never got overwhelming or too difficult.

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Review: Toy Soldiers: Cold War (XBLA)

When the Summer of Arcade '11 titles were announced, I was least excited for Toy Soldiers: Cold War—yes, Fruit Ninja Kinect grabbed me more than Cold War. Despite loving the original, I just couldn't find that same love when looking at the sequel. Then I played the game and everything changed—I remembered why I loved the original and found more to love in Cold War. To put it in rather simplistic terms, Cold War is the "G.I. Joe" to the original's "Army Men." What I mean with that comparison is while the original was very plain and somewhat serious stylistically, Cold War increases the action and adds an over-the-top sense of humour.

Action is expanded thanks to more vehicles and all-new attack barrages, including the player-controlled "Commando" barrage. Attack barrages are powerful weapons earned from killing key enemies and include such common attacks as bombing runs, artillery strikes, and the always-popular A-130 gunship. The less common "Commando" barrage puts you in control of an 80's-esque action star—think Stallone and Lundgren—and allows you to kick ass while enjoying some cheesy dialogue. Another new addition is the ability to rewind to a previous enemy wave if you feel as if you could have done things better, but I personally never ended up using the feature.

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