Hard Lines: The Comic - 'Naked Lines'

Full comic with clickage of linkage or clickage of picture... age.

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Galloping Ghost Arcade: A tad unimpressed

As scheduled, I hung out with my Pixelated Radio co-host and his better half at the Galloping Ghost Arcade earlier today and if I'm being honest, I left a little unimpressed. The concept is wonderful—an arcade full of classic to current machines, with a one-time fee for the day—but its execution was subpar. While the arcade claims to have two hundred and thirty-five working machines, they never specify if the machines work at one-hundred percent.

From my experience, many machines had an unresponsive button or a control pad that didn't want to move in a specific direction—apparently Marge Simpson is only interested in going left, right, and down (that's what she said). Other issues included flickering screens that never returned to their correct orientation and the awesome Silent Scope without a working scope. It's not all bad; however, as the arcade contains many fighters—including Mortal Kombat on a custom rig with a beautiful display—and most of them are in pretty good condition.

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Hard Lines: The Broken Update

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Why is Duke Nukem Forever so great?

This is the ultimate question—why is Duke Nukem Forever so great? Well, no one calls me the answer man, so I don't know why I'm still here, but that's really more of Joaquin Phoenix problem. Why is Duke Nukem Forever so great? I have some answers below and they may just surprise you with how unsurprising they are...

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Review: Stem Stumper (iPhone/iPod Touch)

How many games are user-friendly for someone who is blind? I have no idea—it definitely isn't a high number—but Stem Stumper is a blind-accessible game that can be played by what I was originally going to say 'everyone,' but then I remembered the existence of amputees. This blind-accessible gameplay is possible due to the game's use of sound—the game uses sound cues to show an item's location, allowing someone to play the game without the need of sight. A visual mode exists for those with the ability to see and/or those uninterested in a challenge.

From a design standpoint, this is a great idea, but in its execution, I found the sound effects, music, and visuals off-putting. This kills any potential for enjoyment, but these complaints are the epitome of subjective thought. What I find ugly may be appealing to you, but I cannot speak for anyone but myself. The fundamental gameplay is fun in theory, but my audio and visual preferences leave me unable to find any joy, which disappoints me more than anyone.

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Review: Invincible #80

Invincible #80 is the first issue I have ever waited for; that's right, I am fairly new to the Invincible universe. While the issue delivered on my anticipation, it felt far too crowded—so much happens in so little time and it all seems forced. It is impossible to discuss the issue without spoilers, so let this be a warning that everything past this point is meant for those who already read #80, or simply don't care.

The issue opens with Debbie and Nolan choosing to attempt reconciliation, which they plan to attempt on another planet. It was a great opening, if tad anti-climactic, but was immediately followed by a second curveball—the reveal that William is gay. I have no problem with a gay character or a longtime character coming out, but this seemed random and as if it was obvious and expected. I never suspected William of being anything but a whiner and of little importance to the overall story, so I was rather surprised. My curiosities also question if this was purposefully revealed in June.

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Review: Hard Lines (iPhone/iPod Touch)

Do you remember playing Snake on your old school idiot phone—with no internet connection, no color display, a no touch controls? I do and may be one of the few who has fond memories of those days. I don't know how rare a Snake fan is, but regardless of rarity, I'm as big a fan as you'll ever meet. Well, Hard Lines is basically Snake with a lot of deviations and the presence of personality. It may be my love of Snake, but Hard Lines is one of the best iPhone games I've played in quite some time.

There are many modes to choose from—Survival, Deadline, Time Attack, Piñata, Gauntlet, and classic Snake—and each mode adds its own flavor. All modes other than 'Snake' feature A.I. lines in need of destroying—comparative to Tron's light cycles—but sometimes their dialogue makes them hard to kill. That's right, the lines talk and I loved every second of it. The dialogue holds the potential to distract, but I found it entertaining and different in a genre that hasn't seen much change in countless decades. Seeing a line say, "I thought you were my friend," makes me cry on the inside because he or she is right; what kind of person would kill their friends without a second thought? Apparently me, I guess.

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Review: Mega Man #2 (comic)

The Mega Man story continues with Mega Man #2 and it only took issue two to lose me and probably you. Sorry, but the last sentence was practically begging for the rhymes. I understand that Mega Man—and Archie Comics in general—is directed towards children, but there is a way to write for children without writing like a child. It may just be me, but there is nothing lamer than using the word "lame." And don't accuse me of hypocrisy, I was simply making my point before there was a point to be made.

Reading how Mega Man feels bad about everything he does over and over again got old faster than a mayfly. The entire comic is bipolar in its nature and goes round and round in a circle of sadness, conflict, achievement, and questions. Part of the comic's problem is that this specific storyline is only a four-part arc, which forces the writer—Ian Flynn—to rush through what little he has to work with. Watching Mega Man easily defeat three robot masters in one issue is anticlimactic. A robot—who was never intended for battle—being able to easily defeat supposed masters removes most excitement.

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E3 2011: Nintendo

Nintendo, nintendo, nintendo. The conference I wanted to blow me (away) more than all others left me the most apathetic. We knew a new console was coming out, but we never knew it would be called the Wii U—lots of rhyming just then. The problem with this new console is they never explicitly showed the console; they only focused on the new controller, which looks like a child's "my first tablet." Calling it a tablet is a bad comparison because it is not a tablet; it is simply a receiver for the console—an obvious way to keep cost down. There are some potentially interesting utilizations of this new system, but Nintendo has yet to show me a reason to buy the Wii U or even be interested, but they have until 2012 to wake me up before they go-go.

Games, you say? There were games, but nothing surprised me and the entire conference lacked excitement—besides the opening with Miyamoto showing he's Tom Hanks in Big. Nintendo acted like we would be surprised by a Mario 3DS game or a new Super Smash Bros., but I wanted to see something new, not the same old, same old. I also can't deny the difficulty in finding excitement from the 3DS when I can buy a PlayStation Vita for the same price. There was a tease of Zelda in HD—which looked absolutely beautiful—and a big push for third party support on Wii U, but support means nothing if people continue to purchase these games on other consoles, especially if they don't release day and date with their competitors. Another issue is the actual controller, which doesn't look comfortable and comfort is not something I would give up for an inventory screen. I do want to quickly go back to Zelda as I was disappointed by the lack of an actual anniversary collection, but I am extremely giddy over the announcement of a Zelda concert tour—Zelda always featured some of the best video game scores.

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E3 2011: Day One Impressions

Microsoft: They didn't sell to me, but they knew they didn't have to; they were looking to increase console ownership, not satisfy those who already support them. Some may look at this as a bad choice because they believe the hardcore is supreme, but the hardcore doesn't abandon a console so easily. What Microsoft did was sell their platform to all those consumers who don't own, or just recently purchase an Xbox 360. The majority of Kinect titles may not have interested me, but if I was a parent, I would feel justified in my purchase or become interested in joining the bandwagon. Simply put, Microsoft held a conference to bring in new customers, not satisfy current customers. That may not be what you wanted, but it doesn't mean it was a bad for business. P.S. The new Tomb Raider looked great, the new dashboard is Windows Phone 7, and Kinect Sport 2 is Step Brothers: "The Game."

Electronic Arts: This is probably the conference that held my attention the least. There were sports games and a weird moment involving three NFL players, which included one of those stupid Packers. Mass Effect 3 is going to be more Mass Effect and Star Wars: The Old Republic continues to prove EA and BioWare should have put all their money into a feature-length CGI movie, instead of an MMO we've barely seen in action. Need for Speed: The Run is basically Heavy Rain: "The Car Scene" over and over and over again, a.k.a., horrible. Insomniac Games reveals their multi-platform title, Overstrike, which looks like a ton of fun with a nice, exaggerated art style. And Battlefield 3 is still amazing.

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