I Know Something! You Love Big Bumpin'

I think it's that time again. Yes, it is time to go over what has been happening in the world of gaming today. I may be bored, but I am not a whore. You may be real, but that doesn't mean I can feel. Let's get to the friggin' news, before Gus Yoo has to poo.

So what the fizzle-fudge has happened so far today? Not much, but will that stop the sausage from getting the job done? I think not...Akuma has been revealed for SFIV and there is even gameplay footage! Though I could care less since I haven't played a SF game since Super Street Fighter II. Dynasty Warriors 6 will be hitting the PS2/PC and will likely sell millions...on the PS2. Screenshots from the upcoming Batman game have surfaced and they look shockingly good. Screw you, I am shocked like an electrocuted flock (sheep of course). Kotaku still sucks. GTAIV will be blamed for countless crimes in Japan when it finally releases there on October 30th. NCAA 09 takes the top spot for July...I bet a freshly baked Cannolo that Madden will take August. I know I may be sounding crazy there, but I have a hunch. I just feel like that game could sell for some reason. Nvidia also announces something I don't understand, but apparently it will cost a fortune. Well that about wraps up this poop. Why you want poop wrapped up is a completely different question...on to the rest!

Hockey + WOW = NHL 09. That may sound like pure insanity, as if I just did a line of blow on transvestite midget's exposed a$$, but I am completely serious. Imagine playing the "Superstar" mode online with a bunch of other players all doing the same thing. You can be traded, you may get benched, you are essentially just a NHL player on a team. All your teammates are controlled by people across the globe, as well as your enemies! You create your own persona and for hockey fans out there...this is basically as close to living their dream as they're ever going to get. There are so many details to go over that I think you should just read up on them here. It is going to be a great year for hockey fans!

Oh yea, details of the new Godfather game have surfaced and they are...interesting. Now featuring some strategy aspects, called "Don Mode" (aren't they witty and clever and not cliche at all!?). The whole thing seems odd and possibly intriguing, but there really isn't enough for me to personally go on at this moment. To get your fix of Cannoli go here! Sausage OUT!

You Want More...Are You A Whore?

That's right you little hos, there is more news to talk about and this isn't a trick. Though I know you "people" know all about tricks...and I will not be giving away any blow with this post.

So once again I will go quickly through a few bits of news I could care less about/don't lead to much, or any discussion. Spore went gold. Wow, I really didn't see that happening (really), but not really. X-Blades is a game we should care about? Yea, I don't know what the hell it is either, and honestly I'm perfectly fine with that. A Left 4 Dead X360 demo is "very likely" which is very awesome (quotes not needed). EA and EPIC working on some game together (awesome or disaster? you decide). Ubisoft is getting sued, but guess what...they can afford it so no big deal. Now on to the bigger developments, but probably nothing to go bananas over...yea, I said bananas.

Burnout Paradise will be getting the digital distribution treatment this Autumn, at least on PSN. While I am not, and will never be a supporter of digital distribution. I must say that this game is a perfect game to just have loaded onto your HDD. It's the kind of game that you can just pick up and play for a little bit here and there, which is basically the fundamental design for arcade games. If you want to tango you'll need two people, but that makes no sense. What does make sense is that the game will cost $29.99 when it arrives on PSN later this year.

NBA 2K9. I honestly haven't really paid attention to basketball, or basketball games for a while (last one for me was NBA 2K7). After seeing the teaser for NBA 2K9 I cannot wait to play this game. I know that beauty is supposedly on the inside, but Got Milk (G-rated "God Damn") does the game look gorgeous! I always loved the way the NBA 2K series played, but didn't feel like dropping another $60 last year. If this game's outer beauty is matched with inner beauty (Got Milk that was corny) then I will be pleasantly surprised. Look at this beautiful teaser below. My god it's pretty. I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and...and *sigh* gay. Well I am pretty happy. Bitch.

What's New Papa Chew

Not Much, Lady Touch! If you are confused then I refuse to apologize. This is essentially just a little gaming "news" update with a few items of interest and awesomeness, wrapped by a Sicilian man who doesn't know left from right. You may be asking yourself, "WTF is this guy talking about?" Let me answer with this, "Who gives a shitaki mushroom!? I am awesome."

A Tiger Woods 2009 demo has shown up on XBL and a NHL 2K9 demo is supposed to be up on PSN, but is still M.I.A as of this writing. A sequel to Overlord has been announced for the 360/PS3/PC as well as two other games in that "universe" for the Wii and DS. Did you hear that? That was the sound of no one caring, except for the fact the developer's studio is called "Climax Studios" (I guess they already got there). The Japanese have been going googoo-gaga apeshit crazy for Tales of Vesperia, making it the fastest selling X360 game in Japan. Parents fear games more than alcohol and porn, but I guess that makes sense when the media calls a game like Mass Effect interactive porn...because that's exactly what I got out of that game. Note the obvious sarcasm as I begin to divulge into a few topics that interest me quite heavily. Oh yea, a new Lara Croft model has been chosen. Hurray?

The LittleBigPlanet "Box Art" has been revealed for the UK version (whether it will be the exact same for the US I do not know). I feel really mixed about this cover. I sort of like it, but at the same time there is something about it that just doesn't sit well in my tum tum (that means tummy). I don't know if it's just too busy, but something about it bugs me. Almost like a beetle bugging an Italian girl in Italy, but I digress...

Those retards a few weeks ago saying Castle Crashers would cost an oddly chosen 1800MS points can now eat their own asses, I mean words (yea, words). It has been made official that Castle Crasher will cost 1200MS points! And yes, I think that is a fine and fair price indeedy. If you don't believe me just click this link to see the truth that your Glaucoma kept you from seeing this whole time.

Below is a video of the intro for Mega Man 9. I can't explain the awesome nostalgic feeling that this video tickles my "old man" bones with, but it really is delightful. I am really getting pumped for this game and hope it lives up to the hype that has been building in mind. If you're an old geezer (I may not technically be "old", but I sure feel old) like myself you may get tickled in the same way, but the only way you'll know is if you click play and just "do it". Don't think, just do it. Also, you can find out some info about a few bosses (as well as screens) here.

When Cats Attack

When cats attack there's not time react. Don't sneeze, play Tenchu. Oh please, God bless you. A kitten of death, way better than the rest. You best be frightened and don't start smiling. This is completely next-gen and something you should send. To all the little ladies and the inhabitants of Hades. This cat will kill us all, worse than a zombie-filled mall. Keep your eyes open, there's no use in hoping. This shit's getting ridiculous, it seems awfully conspicuous. Just sit back and watch the vid, or end up wishing you did...

The Upcoming Week

I have been quite busy with numerous things relating to work, school and family matters, but expect to see some new content soon such as:

• Geometry War 2 Review
• Red Faction: Guerrilla Preview
• Braid Review
• And More Awesomeness!...including some new videos.