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Podcast Logos Signed In Podcast The Dice Tower The Vergecast Default

Monday
Jun062011

E3 2011 Infallible Predictions

I have never said anything truer than this: No matter how unlikely and/or ridiculous these predictions are, they are all more likely than the "Rapture" ever was, unless your Rapture was listening to Blondie.

  • Irrational Games decides to take BioShock Infinite back to Rapture.
  • Nintendo pulls a Sega and turns into a software-only company.
  • Sega pulls their hand out of your ass and announces the Dreamcast 2, releasing Fall '11.
  • Along with the Dreamcast 2, Sega announces Shenmue 3 as a launch title.
  • Microsoft says goodbye to the 360 and Kinect and just buys every public park. They then tell everyone to go outside an "play."
  • Sony renames the NGP the PlayStation 4 and announces the PlayStation 5.
  • Apple announces a console. They call it the Banana and steal that old boomerang controller, which is shaped rather close to a banana.
  • 3D is out. 4D is in. Wait, 4D is now out and 3D is back in. Never mind, back to 2D, so say we all.
  • Final Fantasy VII HD Definitive Remix Edition of Stop Crying About Aerith is announced and Square Enix decides to change the story by saving Aerith and killing Tifa.
  • GameStop buys McDonalds and institutes a used marketplace for Fries, McNuggets, and Big Macs.
  • Metal Gear Solid 5 is announced as a 67 hour long quick time event.
  • Nintendo buys Running With Scissors and replaces The Dude with Mario in Postal 3.
  • I am one hundred percent correct on all prediction none of the time, every time.

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